i’ve got that funny feeling

30 Nov

I’m moving out of my office: today is my last official day as an advocate. I thought I would be feeling excited, relieved and maybe a little exhilarated. Those feelings are there… in theory.

In practice, I’m feeling slightly terrified. It’s the fear of change. In the midst of what may well be one of the most spectacular adventures of my life, I still have a small hankering for things to stay the same. A segment of my heart wants to carry on living my happy life in our gorgeous home (too late!) and taking our strange little pup for walks on our beautiful Table Mountain. I quite like sitting at my big lovely desk, bantering with colleagues and turning client’s complaints into legal writing. I’m sad for the wedding and baby parties we will miss and nostalgic for the dinners, braais and weekends away which we won’t share with our friends and family over the next few years.

It’s not so say that the trade-off doesn’t trump the unease hands-down every day. But I am a little surprised at the sadness too. When I think about its dispassionately, I am relieved to be a little melancholy: it must be a good thing to mourn a lifestyle that is blessed and blissful.

This will be my last post perched on my chair in chambers… farewell, this life. The Pacific passage draws a whole lot nearer.

[I will return with more Antarctica porn when things have settled. In addition to moving, I have some outstanding work to nail AND my skipper’s theory exam to pass this evening… tra-la-laaaa!]


3 Responses to “i’ve got that funny feeling”

  1. Meghan 30 November 2010 at 4:52 pm #

    Change is hard, even exciting change. Let yourself feel it all. That is the best part.

  2. Claire 30 November 2010 at 8:28 pm #

    I’m not going on any where near as exciting a trip as you are … but I’m so happy you formulated your feelings today for us.

    I just gave notice to my current position, and start a new job in the new year. I’m very excited, but also nervous, and it helps to put it in perspective that I am moving from one position to an even better one and that I should be humbled and thankful. That I am up for the challenge!

    … and I can’t wait for more pictures from your trip!

  3. Jo 30 November 2010 at 10:05 pm #

    Oh that transition. As much as I prepare, I am always blindsided by the emotion. Choices result in growth and joy, but there is loss inherent therein.

    That knowledge is what gets me through most things.

    Hugs, you wonderful adventurer!

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